It’s been so long since I’ve been to a wedding. I haven’t been to a wedding in at least eleven years. Everyone, except one couple has divorced. Most of these friends have remarried. I think my invite to their all of their second weddings got lost in the mail.
It’s ok. I’m not totally disappointed that I’m not going to your upcoming wedding. I was married once. I’m kind of over weddings and marriage.
Here is a list of reasons that I won’t be attending your wedding. See if you can pick the one that’s the most true.
- I’m so deep undercover that even I don’t know my location.
- I never give out my address. Your beautiful, elegant invite will never find me.
- You’re an asshole and I don’t like you anyway.
- I’m an asshole and you don’t like me either.
- Who likes happy occasions? Not me.
- Let’s skip all of the formal stuff. Just send me an invite the bachelorette party.
- Your mom is afraid that I’m going to steal your man.
- Your mom is afraid that I’m going to steal your woman.
- Everyone is afraid that I’ll ruin it with all of my emotional baggage.
- I’m angry, bitter and no fun at all. You could invite me to your divorce party maybe.