My friends, my mom, the doctor all want to know, “How do you feel?”

I’m supposed to say fine. Fine. I feel freaking awesome.

It’s all a lie. The only good thing I could say to the doctor was that my nails look great. Really, they do. I’ve had nothing but time to spend on my nails. It’s good that I’ve had so much time because I still can’t sit still long enough to let the topcoat dry. So I have to start all over.

I swear I can hardly move. How do I keep messing up the topcoat? Lucas says I don’t have the patience to be a nail jedi. I’m going to keep at it  until I have succeeded.

I do not feel fine. I feel like I have a foreign object in my body. Oh wait. I have two foreign objects in my body right now. Namely two stents. One in each ureter. You know, the place between the kidney and the bladder.

I had one surgery last week and scheduled for another one in two weeks. The nurses at the doctor’s office thought I could still work until I told them what I do for a living. Then it was “Oh yeah, I guess you can’t work then.” They still think I can go back to work the day after surgery. I think those bitches are crazy with a capital C. Crazy.

I haven’t worn pants for at least a week, unless you count pajamas as pants. I’ve been wearing pajama pants every where. It’s not my thing but it will be my thing for two more weeks since I can’t wear pants that are pants.

On top of that, they gave me a diet plan because my kidney stones are made of calcium oxalate. Peanut butter, chocolate and blueberries are on the “don’t-eat-this-or-else” list. My daughter, who can be a bit dramatic, said that I have to stop eating peanut butter or I will die. Honestly, I love peanut butter so much that I might die without it. What am I supposed to eat now?

Yeah, I can’t sit at the computer for very long. So my NaNoWriMo novel has been put on the shelf. I haven’t totally given up on the novel. I’m still thinking of plot and character.

I feel like it would feel better if someone was taking out my kidney with a dull spoon. It would be so gross. But I really think I would feel better. Eventually.

In the meantime, who wants to come over and get their nails done? I won’t make you join a nail polish cult or remove my kidney or anything.